Pensioner Causes Mucky Minded Pile Up Over Skirt

An elderly lady from Stone in Staffordshire caused a 15 person pile-up of dirty-minded members of the public in the market place today. An ambulance was called to treat bruises.

eldery lady

Pensioner Gladys Oatcake said she didn’t mean to cause the crush, and that she was only deciding which skirt to buy from a market stall.

“I was torn between the pink and the brown you see. I was chatting to the stallholder, and I mentioned that I really loved it in the pink, but wondered if I’d like it in the brown as well, just for a change,”

Gladys told the reporter, who spat out his coffee onto a passing Yorkshire terrier.

“He told me that the pink is roomier and I might find the brown a bit tight, but it would stretch after a while. And then he walked off as if he was going to cry. They looked the same size to me though,”

She added, clarifying that she had no idea what caused the pile-up, or why a passing builder started videoing her on his mobile ‘phone.

“My sister in law Sandra would prefer the brown, and any time she’s got a choice she’d go for the brown, whereas I’d probably be more comfortable with it in the pink. I wouldn’t even consider the brown normally, but Sandra suggested I try the brown as a change from pink, so that’s what I was wondering when people started videoing me on their ‘phones. I couldn’t understand what was going on,”

According to witnesses, a man on a nearby stall

“Cracked up laughing, got his ‘phone out and started videoing Gladys. But he wasn’t watching where he was going, and all of the other people listening to the conversation and sniggering managed to end up tripping over each other and ended up in a heap on the floor outside Superdrug,”

A video taken seconds before the human pile-up recorded Gladys telling the stallholder, who had covered his face with his scarf

“I could have it in the pink and the brown I supposed. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll take it in the pink and the brown please, and then I can always change my mind if it’s too tight. Or Sandra can have it in the brown instead. It’ll be a nice surprise for her,”

The video footage captured the beginning of the pile-up, as a passing mum of two walked into a lamppost in hysterics, and several people tripped over her trying to listen to the conversation.

When questioned, Gladys maintains that she has no idea why everybody was listening to her trying to buy a skirt. When it was suggested that there might have been another meaning to her conversation with the stallholder, Gladys said:

“Oh no! There was nothing mucky about it. I was only deciding which skirt to buy. You shouldn’t do things like that anyway. A friend of mine did that years ago, and she shat herself in Homebase,”


  1. I don’t get it. Probably cos it’s Friday, 9pm and I’m in the house.

    Liked by 1 person

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