A 34 year old man from Lancashire has been awarded this year’s prestigious art award the Turner Prize, for cramming a total of 9 Cadbury’s Crème Eggs up his rabbit-hole over the Easter weekend, smashing the previous record of 6.
Culture Minister Kim Howelles, who was reading the Sunday Sport on the bog earlier today said in a statemen:
“This is the best thing I have ever seen in my life, and he must have a ringpiece like a chewed orange today. There have been a lot of things missing from popular British art, and conviction is one of them. This exciting young artist has demonstrated that conviction, and I only pray that he has splashed out on some Andrex, as that Smartprice stuff is going to feel he’s wiping his arse on a brick for the next few days,”
The prize, which has previously been awarded for a dead shark, and for Tracey Emin lying in bed drinking vodka in her pants & then not tidying up, was the instant and obvious choice by curators and critics. Its creator has been hailed as a genius and a legend.
Lemon-sucking Evening Standard art critic Brian Sewell, that normally hates everything on general principle said:
“This is a new era in British art. Normally the Turner Prize is a total farce, a conveyer belt of tasteless pranks drooled over by dreary idiots in Primark raincoats. But come on. 9 Crème Eggs. 9! This is a near-perfect metaphor for broken Britain,”
Bruce Patterson will go on display in the Turner Gallery with 9 Crème Eggs up his arse in May.
The Beezly Street Gazette 
To be fair, those creme eggs a a lot smaller than they used to be, just like wagon wheels. I’d often struggle to eat 12 wagon wheels as a kid, but I can now I can scoff 17 before being sick
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Under new EU regulations, is this even a valid world record?
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When Farage is Queen, we won’t have to listen to EU and their silly regulations. Hope nobody votes for Charles at the royal referendum
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