Turner Prize For Man That Stuffed 9 Crème Eggs Up Bum

A 34 year old man from Lancashire has been awarded this year’s prestigious art award the Turner Prize, for cramming a total of 9 Cadbury’s Crème Eggs up his rabbit-hole over the Easter weekend, smashing the previous record of 6.

creme eggs up arse

Culture Minister Kim Howelles, who was reading the Sunday Sport on the bog earlier today said in a statemen:

“This is the best thing I have ever seen in my life, and he must have a ringpiece like a chewed orange today. There have been a lot of things missing from popular British art, and conviction is one of them. This exciting young artist has demonstrated that conviction, and I only pray that he has splashed out on some Andrex, as that Smartprice stuff is going to feel he’s wiping his arse on a brick for the next few days,”

The prize, which has previously been awarded for a dead shark, and for Tracey Emin lying in bed drinking vodka in her pants & then not tidying up, was the instant and obvious choice by curators and critics. Its creator has been hailed as a genius and a legend.

Lemon-sucking Evening Standard art critic Brian Sewell, that normally hates everything on general principle said:

“This is a new era in British art. Normally the Turner Prize is a total farce, a conveyer belt of tasteless pranks drooled over by dreary idiots in Primark raincoats. But come on. 9 Crème Eggs. 9! This is a near-perfect metaphor for broken Britain,”

Bruce Patterson will go on display in the Turner Gallery with 9 Crème Eggs up his arse in May.

Comments

  1. To be fair, those creme eggs a a lot smaller than they used to be, just like wagon wheels. I’d often struggle to eat 12 wagon wheels as a kid, but I can now I can scoff 17 before being sick

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Under new EU regulations, is this even a valid world record?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When Farage is Queen, we won’t have to listen to EU and their silly regulations. Hope nobody votes for Charles at the royal referendum

    Like

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