Katie Hopkins Accuses False Widow Spiders Of Benefit Fraud

Katie Hopkins has accused false widow spiders of lying about their marital status, in order to claim more benefits.

false widow spider

Speaking at a business conference in Brighton yesterday, the media mouthpiece claimed that “many, if not all” false widow spiders were not widows or single mothers, as she claimed they were claiming.

“Frankly, I don’t believe that they’re widows at all. There’s a clue in the name for heaven’s sake,” she was overheard telling a pensioner in the pub afterwards.

The species of spider arrived in England in the 1870’s, in crates of fruit from the Canary Islands. Populations have expanded due to climate change. But scientists are not worried that they are going to take all of the traditional spidering jobs, such as sitting in bath tubs, spinning webs on the wing mirrors of Fiat Puntos, and running across the bedroom floor in young women’s bedrooms.

The pensioner that was sitting with Katie Hopkins after the conference said:

“Let’s face it. Who wouldn’t want to be at ground level in a young woman’s bedroom. Phwoar. No wonder they’re all coming over here in their droves. Next time I see one Mrs. Hopkins, I will hit it with a rolled-up copy of the Daily Mail. And may I say, you are just lovely, and you’ve really brightened up an old man’s day. Hail Satan,”

Hopkins claimed that thousands of immigrant false widows were arriving on cargo ships every single day in the UK, and that many lived “6 to a web, right over your head in the attic, scuttering around in corners where you can’t see them, waiting to give you a painful bite on the toe for absolutely no reason, because that’s what they’re like,”

The media has been accused of scaremongering about the false widow spider, and in cases where people have been bitten by a spider, it is easy to confuse false widows with several other species of venomous spider that can bite people, especially when the Daily Mail has apparently managed to convinced everybody that they’re spider experts all of a sudden.

Comments

  1. The real story is that they come over and marry British spiders for passports THEN kill their husbands and get widows pensions.

    Like

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