Every single celebrity that was on the telly or radio during the 1980’s is to be formally charged with paedophilia and sent to prison, the Metropolitan Police Service have revealed.
“It’s costing a great deal of money to pursue individual cases, so we’re just automatically charging everybody with paedophilia, and then sorting out the wheat from the chaff from there,”
Said a spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police.
Household names from the 1980’s are said to be “bricking it”, with some leaving the country this morning.
Among those remaining and likely to be arrested are Angela Rippon, Basil Brush, Keith Chegwin, Kate Aidie, Orville, and Torville and Dean.
“If they were on TV in the 1980’s, it’s highly likely that they are guilty of something, so we’re just locking them all up until we figure out where everybody is on the Pedo-Tree,”
Said the spokesperson.
“After all, nearly everybody must have know it was going on, even if they didn’t do it themselves.
The Beezly Street Gazette 
A few ventriloquists have already put their hands up to this sort of thing in private, yet fail to open their mouths in public.
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What about those from the 60s then? Geez I was around playing in a band then. I never asked for ID from groupies. I assumed, as they had Vespas they must be over the age of consent.
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