ATOS Declare Richard III Fit For Work

A leaked email from an ATOS employee, describing the last Plantagenet king as a “lazy bastard” and “just pretending to be dead” has been strenuously defended by the French IT firm.

richard king

The company that carried out the Work Capability Assessment test on the deceased king, whose remains were found in a car park in 2012, controversially found him capable of working in an office, or performing light manual labour such as driving a forklift truck.

A spokesperson for Atos said:

“Being a withered pile of smelly old bones that have been rotting under a car park for several centuries, is not in itself a reason to sit around all day not working. We have recommended that the King be dug up immediately and placed on a back-to-work scheme, and have his benefits sanctioned for being a blood-sucking, lazy old bastard.

The Bishop of Leicester, who led the king’s re-internment ceremony has criticised the ruling, saying:

“This is absolutely disgusting. The man’s been dead since 1485, and is in no state to pack people’s shopping bags or sweep up popcorn at the Odeon. He wouldn’t even make a good security guard for a sleepy village shop. Anyway, we’ve just buried him, and we’re not digging him up again. The poor old corpse won’t know if he’s coming or going. Leave him alone,”


  1. Sym Link says:

    re-interment, not re-internment. Or was he at one point imprisoned?

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Look out its the fun police sucking any fun out of life or in this case death – well done Slym Link !

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fiona Jones says:

    He was supposed to be disabled when he was alive. They say his extreme curvature of the spine would have given him chronic severe pain. What was he doing riding into battle?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very droll!
    Poor Richard, slagged off most unfairly down the centuries. He probably couldn’t give “atos” though. History is written by the winners!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. car park attendant mugged by angry disabled motorist.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. sounds about right for ATOS! Comical but due to working for the jobcentre in the past, I know just how ridiculous some of the things they say are! Me and my husband were crying laughing reading this! haha

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just to point out Emma…did you know that the Atos policies and criteria for putting people back to work were not due to Atos. These policies and criteria that were putting unfit people back to work came directly from the Government and Westminster in which Atos had no say over. Atos are an outsourcing company who supply services for and on behalf of other companies and in this case – our wonderful establishment. Atos actually self-terminated the contract in 2013 because they didn’t agree with the policies that were being set. So it’s the government you should be nailing – not an outsourcing company that was simply being paid to do a job.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. pat beckett says:

    Is it true he died in the car park, waiting for the disabled space to become available?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What a shame they don’t provide this service any longer. Its now being done by some American company (same doctors though)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hide and Seek champion 1485-2012. now beat that.would have to sell off 1/2 country to pay back his benefits if he had been claiming mobility allowance! a Horse a Horse my kingdom for a horse.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. David Barlow says:

    Sadly a true reflection of how the most vulnerable in our society are being treated. The British public being brainwashed by all major parties by their repeated use of the phrase “working families ‘ Four legs good two legs bad? Here’s another one – there but for the grave of God go I!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Reblogged this on monsterseventeen and commented:
    he could be an extra on “the walking dead”

    Liked by 1 person

  12. That’s the least of his worries !!! Just wait until he gets hit with the parking fine.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Working for DWP age 55, ATOS decided I was unfit for work and would not be fit again. Luckily I reached my 60th birthday before they changed the rules or they would have me found me fit again. Miraculously. I expect Richard 3 would have had the same trouble.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I am sure there is a back to work scheme for him in the UKs labor program

    Liked by 1 person

  15. colin Lunt says:

    A suitable post in central London should be available soon, a little light hand waving involved and frequent smile in public. The Scotland branch office will be closed by that time

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Richard was probably as bad as the Tudors made him out to be. He did the things that his brother needed to be done to maintain his grip on the throne. It is alleged that after the Battle of Tewkesbury, Richard killed the nad King Henry VI, whilst he prayed, shikst in the Tower of London.

    Thpugh he may have been manipukared by the Duke of Buckingham into killing the Princes in the Tower of London. Why else did Henry VII and his wif e Elizabeth attend the trial of Catesby, who was Richards gopher, who is thought to be the actual murderer of the Princes …. Elizabeths brothers.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. The whole claim is a sham. He was last seen horse-riding through the woods, swinging a heavy sword, fighting and overcoming some seriously capable soldiers. Not working is one big sulk, for someone else getting his job, his workstations, and coming from a different bloodline.

    Liked by 1 person


  1. […] ATOS Declare Richard III Fit For Work – The Beezly Street Gazette It's only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realise there's always a way to solve problems without using violence. […]


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