A new law that bans silly old farts from buying expensive cameras and pretending to be model photographers, is coming into force next year.
Under the new legislation, silly old farts will still be allowed to spend three grand on a posh camera and lots of shiny new lenses. They will not be banned from taking pictures of jobbing models in Primark knickers, pretending that they’re doing it for the art, or from attending model workshops where the lighting is all set up for them.
The new law will however, prevent ridiculous old gits from setting up pages on Facebook pretending to be professional, jet-setting model photographers, that spend their days beating off lush young fanny with a shitty stick and getting paid for the privilege.
“It’s high time something was done about this,”
Said a spokesperson for real model photographers, that actually get paid to photograph models, and don’t pretend to their mates that they sleep with all of them and get stalked by them and stuff.
“These people are an absolute embarrassment to the craft. Anyone can set up a professional page on Facebook now, and spend all their spare cash on hiring busty young women to arch their backs and wedge de-thorned rose stems in their buttocks, and then use selective colour on it. No professional model photographer would make ‘nudge nudge, wink wink’ comments on Facebook about shagging all the models, that actually found them rather tedious and were just being polite,”
The new law is welcomed by the sons and daughters of silly old farts with cameras, as it will prevent their fathers from making total tools of themselves, with their newfound fantasy lifestyle.
A spokeswoman for the support group “Dads With Cams” said:
“We are all extremely relieved about the new legislation. My Dad has been really embarrassing since his divorce. He pays these women loads of money to pose for him, and then pretends that he gets paid for it. I know he’s not sleeping with any of them really, and they’re just jobbing models that want to earn a bit of money by keeping a lonely old man company for two hours and getting some nice pictures. I wish he’d just book an escort once or twice a week to cheer himself up, and not blog about it on the bloody Internet like he’s Terry bloody Richardson,”
A new law banning both the ‘Heel Caught In Thong’ shot in selective colour, and the ‘American Beauty’ rose petal shot, but with just two scabby little roses, is being discussed in Parliament next week.
The Beezly Street Gazette 
You have gone too far with this. I identify with the old gits far too much to not be outraged by the new law. It is simply unfair and it decreases our legends.
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I would like to add to the following banned poses. This includes:
– “Arty” black tape art nude shots as an excuse for the photographer to “artfully” apply tape to a ladies vadge
– Body paint nude shoots… Again, just an excuse to get close and slap ladyparts with a paintbrush
– Photoshopped into a Coke bottle
– Black and white “art” vadge close ups
– Fruit/Skittles/Sweets applied to vadge and only the sweets left in colour
– Naked under a waterfall
– “Fetish” shots squatting on a cactus naked
– “art nude” shots in a “grungy location/warehouse”
Actually, i may just apply links to a couple of photographers portfolios and facebook groups and say “yep… ALL these images are no banned… gtfo”
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can we also consider the enhancement – any older male photographers who only photograph naked / bikini clad women under 30 years old, and whose single idea for the following locations : a beautiful landscape, a posh hotel room, a quality car, a famous building, in fact any location, is to put a naked 18 year old female in it, to make the shot “hot”
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I think this is hilarious when so called photographers feel threatened by a bunch of old guys. Some photographers are so far up their own arses its laughable. Grow up and get a life. If your any good at your craft you will get the work.
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Thank you for your comment Kenneth.
*Falls off chair laughing*
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Roflolololol… Kenny just needs to justify buying all those de-thorned roses to his wife…
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Hey Ken, it’s sad watching all the young guys being ageism bigots and funny how a young guys taking naked pictures isn’t creepy. Seriously?
The whole article is sour grapes, the old guys at 45 are getting more tail then the guys at 25. I get it you’re bitter, you write an angry blog and masturbate in to a sock, feel better now?
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It’s interesting that you assume the writer is a young photographer.
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Reblogged this on Zoi's Boudoir.
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yep, and add the 20 year old..”I’ve got a like university photography like degree yeah, like so you owe me a living yeah like I know that I know fuck all about anything but like you owe me dude! I suffered 4 years at uni like and I know everything and i can write witty like commentary like and yeah I know ..well everything, I’m cool.
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What a lovely blog page. I will certainly be back again. Please keep writing!
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An extremely fascinating read, I may possibly not agree completely, but you do make some really valid points.
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[…] new law that bans silly old farts from buying expensive cameras and pretending to be model photographers, […]
The question is when are we going to ban talent-less young gits taking their parents money and wasting their lives pretending to be professional photographers making all of $2,000 a year shooting a cousins wedding and telling his parents he doesn’t need to look for a job, because he’s got one.
The article sounds like sour grapes to me, my guess is the editor is a young wanna-be being shown up by those “old farts”. I suggest you stop being a “professional photographer/blogger”, get a real job, and move out of your parents basement.
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It’s interesting that you’re suggesting this post was written by a young, male photographer.
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