The demonic body-con dress that has tricked the entire world with its evil sorcery, is to be burned in a special ceremony in London, its owner has said.
“I bought it from an old, toothless gypsy woman that turned up on my doorstep at midnight and told me she’d had a vision of me wearing it at a wedding, and terrible things would happen if I didn’t,”
Said the mother of the bride.
“I didn’t think anything odd at the time. But when I tried the dress on, I immediately heard demonic chanting, and saw Satan’s little imps jumping around in the bedroom mirror. I just put it down to indigestion because my Spanx were too tight,”
But things took a turn for the sinister on the day of the wedding, when she was complimented on the colour of the dress.
“I could have sworn it was blue. But some nasty old bat on the husband’s side of the family tutted at me and mumbled something about only brides wearing white to a wedding. I couldn’t understand what she was on about. I got a couple of funny looks on the day, and somebody said the dress was a ‘very brave choice’ and that was a bit strange. Blue has always suited me. I got really paranoid and thought oh well, at least I like it even if nobody else does,”
After the controversy hit the Internet, it became clear that only sinners saw the dress as being blue, while the pure of heart and mind saw it as the angelic combination of white and gold.
“It’s clearly haunted, or cursed or something. So we’re having a special burning ceremony in Trafalgar Square on Saturday. We’re going to get a giant wicker woman and stuff it with fashion crimes from the last ten years, including ponchos, Ugg boots and tracksuits with words on the arse,”
Latest news just in – Everybody in entire world sick of hearing about the dress.
The Beezly Street Gazette 
UNBELIEVABLE !!! The technology used in the fibres of this dress could have helped financially struggling sports teams to have a home strip of blue, and an away strip of white without the burden of buying another kit hamper.
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