Nigel Farage held a party conference yesterday, to address a “serious, reoccurring issue,” that has been troubling the MP “for some time,”
“I find it disgraceful and morally reprehensible that my name is still being pronounced incorrectly,”
Said the Ukip leader. He followed up his opening address with a 3 hour PowerPoint presentation to ease the audience into each syllable. The presentation was described as “Death by PowerPoint” by the entire back row of the conference. Several intricate paper airplanes were left behind after the speech, and the hotel ran out of orange juice.
According to the Ukip leader, the public have been deliberately misinformed as to the pronunciation of the MP’s name, which is widely believed to rhyme with either pronunciation of the word “garage’.
Somewhat controversially Mr. Farage disagreed, citing an old Armenian version of the surname, which is said to mean “Unidentifiable label on top of an Indian takeaway box” and is traditionally pronounced, “badger”.
As the utterly defeated-looking MPs filed from the conference room like zombies, only one would comment anonymously:
“If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck…”
He would not expand on his quote, and whether he was calling Nigel Farage a badger remains ambiguous.
Guest post by Roswell Ivory
The Beezly Street Gazette 
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