Argos Recalls Cursed Clown Pendants

Around one thousand gaudy clown necklaces sold by the high street retailer Argos have been recalled and melted down, after customers complained that they were ‘haunted’.

haunted gold clown

“I’d been saving up for a really chavvy necklace for ages,” Said Edna Bogroll, a payroll clerk from Clitheroe. “Despite being fifty nine years old and an arm-wrestling champion in my day, I love creepy, childish things like glassy-eyed dolls and clowns, and when I saw this ginormous, solid gold clown with rubies for eyes and legs that jiggle when you’re running for the bus, I fell in love with it,”

But Mrs. Bogroll was shocked to discover that she couldn’t see the clown pendant in the mirror.

“I knew then something was very wrong. I went over to the mirror to admire it, and although the chain was there, the clown was completely invisible in the reflection. My husband thought I’d gone crackers, but when I wore it to work the next day everybody admired it,”

But things took a disturbing turn when Mrs. Bogroll was plagued by terrible nightmares.

“I fell asleep on the sofa around 10 o’clock and well, the only way I can describe it, was that I woke up in some weird house of fun, where all the walls were made of knives, and there were giant wasps chasing me about. All the while there was this terrible, maniacal laughter in the air, and sort of squinky-squonky music playing all the time. It was awful, I thought I was going to die in there,”

Other customers complained of hallucinations, such as seeing a tall, clown-like figure standing in their bedroom holding an axe, and of being plagued by ‘Horrible, creepy laughter,” while driving.   After what victims have dubbed the ‘Murder-Clown’ appeared briefly in the rear view mirror of a Fiat Punto, nearly causing a pile-up on the M6, the decision was made to recall all of the necklaces and melt them down.

The manufacturers claim that the gold tooth of a dead witch must have somehow made its way into the vat of gold used to produce the necklaces.

“It’s put me off clowns for life,” said one customer. “I’ll have to get one in the shape of a dolphin or something now,”


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